We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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