Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
