i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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