well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
