i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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