Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
