masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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