I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
