he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
