are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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