The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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