my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You're like the curious george of whores
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
