Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
