youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
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It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
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The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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