Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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