Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
