He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
