well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
