your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
