I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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