is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
