I hate all girls vehemently.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
