In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
