We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
