this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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