Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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