The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
