Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
