I'm eating all of the evidence.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
