I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
