I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
