good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
