i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Operation Purity has been aborted
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
