why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
