her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We need to rekindle our bromance
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
He shit in the fireplace
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
