So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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