Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
