I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We left the knife in your bed.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
