Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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