omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I am one with the molecules
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
