I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
