im about as happy as oj after his trial
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
