how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
