I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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