I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
