Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
