Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
