Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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