that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
