I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
