Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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