you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I still have a little drunk in my system
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
