Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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