He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
