i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
