just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
