Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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