Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
