you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
