I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We had to coat check the pizza.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You don't make any sense
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