hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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