so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He felt like a one man threesome
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If I die, sorry about rent.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
