seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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