It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
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I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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