Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
