There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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