Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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