Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
