who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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