its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
