She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
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This baby is an asshole
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
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Let's have sex in an apple orchard
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
try to milk me bitch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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