no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
