honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
