I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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