We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
