please come you make the beer taste better
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When are your genitals available?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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