I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
did i walk over a car last night?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
