On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
