I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My life is pants optional.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
