I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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