lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
