How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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