4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
