At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
