how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
