The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
